I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
