Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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