Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Vodka?
Forever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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