I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
