the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
