HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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