You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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