just tell him i said nine months
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
