I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
