yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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