you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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