I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
