My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're like the curious george of whores
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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