whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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