dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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