dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
