What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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