awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
