just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
