Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
