allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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