I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
