I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
