This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
