we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
