Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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