i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
