I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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