How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
