I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
