I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
