Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
