The maid of honor just puked.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
