Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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