Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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