Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
