Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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