I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
