I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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