I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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