He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
