no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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