The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
