I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
