i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
