it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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