yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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