nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
