Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
