Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
