All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
