Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
